Do Not Poke the Bear!

Encountered a parenting dilemma this week. Shocker, right? Every week seems to bring a new challenge to me in regard to raising my kids. Here's the challenge of the week. My precious boy, Jack, has been experiencing various issues at school making this year a total drag. A good part of it is by his own hand but there is also a good part of it that is out of his control.

As a parent who wants to raise my children to be responsible adults, I'm all about teaching kids to take ownership of their actions. In other words, "Get your act together, son!" I would say I'm a fairly strict disciplinarian. Our children know what we expect of them. This is good.

On the other hand, this week's events have revealed to us some of the circumstances that are not in Jack's control. In some ways, we have seen that Jack has been dealt a bad hand. He's been treated unfairly, in our opinion, and is having to bear the consequences for someone else's actions. Herein lies my dilemma.

There's the part of me that believes in tough love, then there is the part of me that is 'Mother Bear'. Any of you parents out there relate?

Mother Bear hibernates peacefully deep inside my heart until she is provoked. Then there's trouble. Do not poke the Bear! Mother Bear is the part of me that wants to reach across the table to the battle-ax who's been ugly to my baby boy and show her what I think of her! Mother Bear's instinct is to rise up and strike down anyone who dare threaten my sweet, innocent child. Mother Bear wants to wrap the boy in blankets, snuggle him tightly and protect him from a world that is cruel and uncaring. Mother Bear is thirsty for justice, waging a campaign against all those who would cause a moments pain to my little angel.

Lord, help the one who pokes Mother Bear. So, the dilemma is, who will win out in this mommy identity crisis? The level-headed parent who believes in the importance of self-discipline, responsibility, and consequences? Or will it be Mother Bear who sweeps in to save the day leaving a wake of carnage in her path? (Chris says I have a flair for the dramatic but I just don't see it. :-))

In my impassioned state I phoned a friend who helped me find some balance to these contrasting emotions. Her advice was simple, yet powerful. "Say it in love." That was it. That was the truth I needed to tame Mother Bear and empower my more rational side. Bottom line is this, we need to hold our children accountable for their actions. We also need to be their voice when they have none. We are our child's advocate.

When speaking up on behalf of our children we can do more harm than good if our emotions are out of control. I often say, "Where the heart leads, the tongue will follow." The Lord used this friend to help me get my emotions in check and soothe that Mother Bear within. With God's help, whether I'm training my child or tangling a bully, I'll say whatever needs to be said - "in love."